


say we'll be always

by yourstrulytay



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Buck Centric, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, just emotionally, not physically tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23889151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourstrulytay/pseuds/yourstrulytay
Summary: five times the people Evan Buckley loves leave him,  two times the people he loves want him to stay
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Abby Clark, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Ali Martin, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Ali Martin, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 328
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	say we'll be always

**Author's Note:**

> SO, I know I'm not the only one who has ~feelings~ after episode sixteen. Honestly, this is a sort of a "fix-it, wish-fulfillment, I want to hug Evan Buckley".... thing. I just have way too many feelings about how Evan Buckley deserves BETTER, okay?  
> This fic was largely inspired and helped by my lovely friend Percyjacksonfan3, I adore u girl, thank you for putting up with my insane babbling at midnight lol  
> Title from the song Always by Isak Danielson

**One – Maddie**

Evan Buckley is 11 years old when his sister leaves for the first time. He understands the need to run away, even at such a young age. His parents are not horrible people, but they are not good at being parents. They are tough and stubborn, stuck in the ways of parenting that they had been raised under. They are all cold discipline and no open love; always quick to correct and criticize, never ones to praise. _Children do not need to be praised for every little thing they do; it makes them soft._

Maddie is heading off to college. She wants to be a nurse, and Evan thinks she’ll be good at that. In contrast to their parents, Maddie gives away smiles and love without a second thought, all warmth and light. She’s a good big sister, and she won’t be gone forever.

Except.

Evan turns 12, and his sister is not there to celebrate with him. His parents barely acknowledge that another year of their son’s life has passed by, acting as if it were any other day. The day goes by with little fanfare and ends just the same as any other.

Maddie comes home as little as possible, and soon she meets a boy. His name in Doug, and he reminds Evan a lot of his father. He wishes that were a good thing. Doug is charming and perfect, and Maddie loves him. To no one’s surprise, her parents do not love him.

Maddie shows up for all of the important events in Evan’s life; his sixteenth and eighteenth birthdays, his high school graduation. Maddie never sticks around for too long, though, and every time Evan sees her, her smiles become much less frequent and much, much dimmer.

Soon Maddie Buckley becomes Maddie Kendall, and her phone conversations become shorter until she stops picking up at all.

Evan Buckley is 23 years old when Maddie leaves for the second time, and he won’t see his sister for another three years.

**Two – Abby**

Evan Buckley meets Abby and he feels as if he’s finally made one good choice in his life. She’s kind and warm, and she loves deeply. Buck’s found a family in Abby, and her mom, and he loves her. For the first time in his life, he feels at home, comfortable in the life he’s made for himself.

Then Patricia Clark dies, and Abby leaves, and the life Buck’s been picturing in his head vanishes as quick as it has appeared.

Abby’s in Ireland, and they phone each other daily. Until they don’t. One day Buck wakes up and realizes that he hasn’t talked to his girlfriend in days, _weeks_ even.

He packs up his things and moves in with his sister, leaving Abby’s apartment just as quickly as she had left his life.

**Three – Ali**

Buck meets Ali when their world is crumbling around them. Literally. If he had had a clearer head, he may have laughed at the irony in that, but he’s much too busy saving her life. Or – helping Eddie save her life, more accurately.

Weeks pass, and the woman is not much more than a passing thought as he struggles to get over Abby.

He’s moved in with his sister and so beyond tired of the meaningless hookups with Taylor Kelly when he phones her. She’s gorgeous, and smart as a whip, and Buck thinks he can be happy with her. When she smiles at him and laughs with him he feels happy, and he thinks that this is what it’s supposed to be like. She gets along with his sister and the rest of his 118 family, and he’s content.

Except she doesn’t like his job; thinks it’s too dangerous. Buck supposes she’s not exactly _wrong_ , considering he literally charges into burning buildings for a living.

But his job’s _more_ than just a living. It’s the thing that keeps him going, and he can’t just _stop_. He’s nothing without being a firefighter, but Ali doesn’t get that.

In the end, it’s the job that makes her leave, but she still leaves all the same. The ladder truck crushing his leg is the final straw, and Buck thinks that there’s some sort of cruel joke in the fact that _he_ has a crushed leg but yet _she’s_ the one who can’t handle it; can’t stay.

**Four – The 118**

Evan Buckley’s life belongs to the 118. They are not just his coworkers and friends; they are his family too. Hen, Chim and Bobby. He loves them a lot and would do literally anything for them.

The thing is; he sort of thought that the feeling was mutual.

Buck’s life is a mess when Eddie Diaz walks into it. Too much change in too short a time, and he’s frankly _not a fan_. He’s been here longer than Diaz, but the rest of the team disregards him in favour of Eddie’s army medic experience. Suddenly Buck’s the impulsive kid who no one takes seriously.

Maybe they’re right to look at him that way. He _is_ impulsive; always acting before fully thinking things through, and it’s probably gotten him into more trouble than it’s helped him.

So, he sucks it up and moves on.

Except, this isn’t the only time Buck gets left behind.

He feels as if his life is going to end after the ladder truck crushes his leg. First, the surgery isn’t as successful as doctors would have liked, and then he’s told that he won’t be able to go back to work for a long time. It’s a helpless feeling. Buck doesn’t know who he is without being a firefighter; without the 118.

It only gets worse, with the embolism, and then the tsunami. Walking into the station only to find his locker literally _taped over_ with someone else’s name, and then being dismissed as over-dramatic.

Buck knows what this is. His team, his _family_ , is moving on without him; leaving him behind. The panic is all too real, so he makes drastic choices, and he pays the price of the 118’s anger and disappointment. But they don’t _get_ it. They don’t understand, and when he tries to explain himself they only become angrier.

He’s knows what they think, and he supposes they’re right. The whole team was going through the same trauma, and Buck was only thinking of himself; about what _he_ wanted.

Eddie’s words stick in his head. _Selfish. Only thinking of yourself. You make everything about yourself_.

**Five – Red**

Buck does not know Red for very longer before he inevitably leaves as well. At least, he thinks, Red did not leave of his own volition. Maybe he would have stuck around, if he’d been given more time.

The thing that really bugs Buck is the fact that he could see himself so clearly in Red. Red looked like Buck’s future, and it scared him so much that he wanted to fix it.

He supposes, in the end, he helped a bit, but he knows that he saw his future flash before his eyes, and knew he needed to prove to himself – and others – that he would not end up in the same situation as Red.

**+1 – Eddie and Christopher**

Evan Buckley is 27 and sitting in the Diaz’s living room with Eddie and Christopher, and he’s startled to find that all he feels in contentedness. The latest Star Wars movie is on in the background, and Chris is quickly falling deeper and deeper into sleep. He’s laying across his dad and Buck’s legs, head in Buck’s lap, and is looking for all the world like nothing could ever disturb his peace. Unfortunately, Buck and Eddie both know that they’re going to have to put the kid in his own bed, possibly waking him up in the process.

Buck brushes his fingers through Chris’ curls, and glances down at the boy. He looks up to find Eddie watching him, and when he opens his mouth to ask what the other man is looking at, Eddie just puts a finger to his lips and shifts to move Chris.

Buck can hear the man put his son to bed and whisper a goodnight before leaving the door open a crack and then padding back into the living room. He sits down next to Buck and turns to face him.

“Want to talk about today? With Red?”

Buck’s known this was coming, and he sighs, “I’m okay, Eddie, seriously. I don’t want to make this about me. I only knew him for a short time.”

When he meets Eddie’s eyes again, his gaze has sharpened, and when he speaks, his voice is equally as sharp, “What’s that supposed to mean, Buck?”

Another sigh, “I just mean that he’s dead, and I don’t want to make the whole thing about me. It’s not about me. That would be… selfish.”

Eddie’s eyes widen and he inhales a loud gust of air, exhaling it slowly. He pauses, analyzing Buck for a couple seconds. His eyes only get wider as he seems to come to some sort of realization, and Buck waits patiently for him to speak.

When he finally speaks, he says his words slowly, “Are you- Buck, why do you think that you’re being selfish?”

“Uh-”

“Was it me?”

A pause, “Eddie…”

“ _Buck_.”

“Fine! Yes, okay? You said it at the grocery store, during our huge fight. And you-”

“- was _wrong_. I was wrong, Buck.” He holds up a hand when Buck opens his mouth to argue, “Buck, oh my god, I never should have said that. You are the more selfless person I know. Your heart is so open, and you’d do anything for _anyone_. It’s one of the things I lo- one of my favourite things about you. I’m sorry, so incredibly sorry that I ever said that. I said it in the heat of the moment and I never…”. He trails off, looking helpless.

“Eddie, it’s okay!”

“No! It’s not. It’s really, _really_ not.”

“Eddie, please… I promise you I’m okay.”

Eddie just stares at him, looking for all the world that he does not believe Buck for even a second. He signs and runs his hands over his face and Buck feels a strong urge to reach out and _touch_. To comfort.

“You know what Chris asked me the other day?”

Buck jerks his head at the sudden change of topic, but hums for Eddie to continue.

“He asked me if you could stay forever. Buck, he loves you so much, and that’s because you have given that boy your whole heart and _more_. A selfish man would not do everything that you have done for my son.”

Buck’s caught on something, and asks in a small voice, “He really wants me to stay?”

A soft smile grows on Eddie’s face, “Of course he does. I want you to stay, too.”

Buck stares at him with an open mouth, speechless.

“Buck..?”

“Okay.”

Eddie looks startled for a second, but then his smile grows into a grin, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, Eddie, I’ll stay.”

**+2 – Bobby, Hen, Chim**

When Buck arrives at the station for his shift, a few days after Red’s death, he is immediately called into Bobby’s office. At his team’s questioning glances, he shrugs and heads towards his captain.

“Sup, Cap?”

Bobby rolls his eyes fondly and gestures for Buck to come fully into the office, “Could you close the door?”

He blinks but does as he’s told. Bobby gestures for him to sit, and Buck does so warily, “Uh… did I do something I’m unaware of?”

Bobby barks out a laugh, and Buck’s shoulders release their tension without him even realizing it. “Buck, I feel like you should know when you’re in trouble or not.”

He holds his hands up in defense, “Hey! Sorry, but this is weird! I’m allowed to be nervous!”

Bobby smirks at him and Buck rolls his eyes in retaliation. The smirk settles into something softer, and the captain speaks, “You know we’re family, right?” At Buck’s nod, he continues, “I got thinking, after our conversation the other day, that we often forget to tell you that you always belong here, with us. You’ll never lose us, no matter what happens.”

“Bobby, I-”

His captain raises towards someone behind Buck, gesturing for them to come inside, and when Buck turns and looks, he sees Chim, Hen, and Eddie open the door and walk in. Buck raises an eyebrow at Eddie in question, but only receives a shake of the head in reply.

“I don’t think we’ve talked about everything following your accident, and I feel like I need to clear some things up.”

“Uh… what?”

Bobby actually looks sheepish, and when Buck looks at the other three, he sees that Chim and Hen do as well. Eddie just stands there with his arms crossed, trying and failing not to look smug. It’s that that causes Buck to become suspicious again. He whips back around to look at Bobby again.

The Captain sighs, “Look, Buck, you deserve more of an apology than you ever got. I should never have lied to you, and I should have been honest about why I didn’t want you back in the fray of things right away.” Bobby’s shoulders slump, “To be completely honest, seeing you in a hospital bed multiple times in a matter of months has taken years off my life, and I was scared that you were going to be hurt again – or worse. But,” he silences Buck, who had opened his mouth to say something, with a look, “I still should have been completely transparent about why I made the calls I made and for that I am incredibly sorry, Evan. I need you to know that from now on, we’re going to stick together, and we’re not going to leave anyone behind.”

His words clearly have a double meaning

“Also,” Hen pipes up, “we would like to apologize for how we treated your concerns the other day, about how Red was alone. It was clear that you were worried about all of staying together as a family, and we brushed it off. That was _not_ cool.”

Chimney speaks now, “I think sometimes we forget how much you care, and how much you think about things like that. None of the rest of us do the same, and it’s easy to disregard something that we’ve taken for granted. It doesn’t make it okay, though, and I’m sorry. You were looking for reassurance and all I did was shrug it off. That sucked.”

Buck has a million emotions swirling around in his chest, and he knows his smile is a little watery when he says, “Thank you guys, you don’t know how much this means to me.”

Bobby stands up, but whatever he was going to say next is cut off by the fire alarm going off. Buck grins and shrugs, “Duty calls.”

With that, he runs off to the locker room, his family in tow.

**Author's Note:**

> Was that ending super cheesy? Yes. Am I okay with that? Also yes. I just want my baby to be happy, is that too much to ASK FOR.  
> I've been screaming on Tumblr about all of this, so find me at yourstrulytaaay  
> Hope you enjoyed!!


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